Good old friends, nice long talk

I came with a heart full of anxiety. In one week's time I am going to leave behind my student life, and step into a brand new world, which I know nothing, although I claimed the other way on the resume. 

You just came back from Germany, traveled through four European nations. I came wishing to hear wonderful tales of your journey, which I did. It is amazing how your words bring every story to life, as you always do. But we missed out the romantic (perhaps not) parts, because of three other men who were with us. 

Things took a different turn when the topic ventured into the past, and our shared memories. We came to realize that it is the tenth year we know each other. Though not everyone of us are close to each other, we have countless shared moments. The icebergs, misunderstandings, quarrels. Tracing back on these good old times made us forget that time is tickling away. The first shop we went closed (later I was reminded that it was 12am when it closed), so we changed the venue to a mamak stall and talked on. 

How strange, normally a gathering like this won't get anywhere, if there is one more person present. Small groups are good for talking and sharing. Five is just nice. Is that why the five of us always stick together? 

Even when you went home, I managed to face the remaining guys and chatted away. Normally this would not be possible. I will not attend a gathering with the guys without you, and will not go on if you go home. Small number effect? Or long-time-no-see effect? But the topics later on are more on nonsense that somehow makes sense and "sounds great" theories.

Nostalgic talks like this cleared away my anxiety for the time being. I know the attacks will go on, until I get into the working field. But somehow, tracing back the young, immature, foolish experiences in the past, made me realize one thing. The past made the current me, and no matter how wonderful they remained as memories, when we were experiencing those moments, they were the matter of life-and-death to us. No matter how sweet those memories are, I do not hope to go back in time and change things or something like that. Because those are the parts that made up the current me. 

And the anxiety I am having now, will turn into sweet memories in the future, and it will shape the future me. Good or bad, depends on how I take it. Someday in the future, I will look back and laugh at this moment. The way we took secondary school memories as an old joke, even talking over those disputes as if it were something funny. 

We were young and immature, that's why we grow up the way we are. 

I am so afraid of losing in the future, I might choose to hide in the cave I created. But now, I think, I should be able to step out of the cave. One step at a time. 

/Although we did fight and maybe hated each other at a time, old friends, thank you very much for today. =)